My Mistake[s]

Valentines day is approaching and I'm dreading it.  I mentioned in a post from a few days ago I never had any real luck in the boyfriend department.  It's hard for me to accept the fact that maybe I'm not girlfriend material, but maybe it's true???  

I really hope not.  I have always dreamed of a guy with absolutely everything I could ever want (maybe more) smile at me and say those 5 amazing words to me, "will you be my girlfriend?"  I feel that this is not normal for a person to go through all of their teenage years without being in at least one relationship....

Then again I never have considered myself normal, but a "freak of nature".  I gave that tittle to myself in my junior year of highschool due to my lack of  "girly" qualities about me.  pink, sparkles, cute, lacey, adorable were not ever in my vocabulary nor in my wardrobe.  In all honesty I locked myself behind those walls because I had no clue how to be a girl and just never bothered to ask.  I figured if I asked then I would become everything my older sister and those evil evil...middle school girls were.  Then again as much as I longed to be just one of the girls,  apart of my didn't really think about it either since I was to busy feeling sorry for myself and wasting my time trying to gain attention from people who I already had it from.

UGH!!!  As much as I am really enjoying this whole blogging hobby of mine, it's really starting to make me slightly frustrated with myself and how I was in the past....I WASTED SOOOO MUCH FREAKING TIME!!!  Well not like I can get it back!  So here's what I can do though, I can take what I now  know and apply it to my life as it is happening now. 

Ok so recap on what I have learned so far from a few mistakes:
~don't make every problem about me
~stop feeling sorry for myself
~accept that I am in fact a girl and work with what I got
~girls are dumb but I don't have to be
~don't obsess about wanting to hangout all the time
~having a hobby that involves only myself is not so bad
~when something is done let it be done
~rejection happens move on
~no one can earn joy but they can have it if they are willing to look for it
~parents don't always know what is best
~pizza is a dish actually served best cold unlike revenge
~gossip gets you in to trouble
~I'm attractive so stop thinking I'm not!
~I may be a beauty school drop out but at least I learned how to cut my bangs
~being considered a "bitch" and a drama queen is a BAD THING!
~cutting someone off and then giving them the finger may be funny but not nice (especially if you know them)
~Jesus still performs miracles
~saying "can you help me understand what your discussing" is so much better than sitting in silence
~Jesus can and will help me through anything, but He also allowed for medication to keep me sain
~the guy(s) I thought God had for me to date turned out to  the most amazing brothers
~I totally know how to say and mean the word NO!
~I already have my friends attention I don't have to keep trying
~people respond so much better to positive responses
~ALWAYS keep it real!
~Do not put people on pedestals
~never ever follow the crowd be your own person
~kissing is never what people make it to be
~insecurities only make you do stupid things
~as hard as it to care about someone else, it is so rewarding when they smile because you do care
~a week without a text or call is worth it when I am asked to hangout even if for only a few minuets
~Jesus really is the way, the truth, and life...I just had to figure it out for myself



So what does recognizing my mistakes have to do with the fact that I hate valentines day?  Will come to think about it I really don't hate valentines day.  I just am bummed at the fact that I am still the only person to not have an ex or a still existing significant other.  But seeing what mistakes I have learned does explain to me that there's a lot I messed up with that may....strike that..HAS hindered my ability to attract guys.

Now what?  Well looks like my yellow break road is getting more interesting as I progress down it because another thing I am hoping the wizard of oz grants me is guy.

I wonder if the tin man is still available?

~Lo out