My honest request

At biblestudy I could honestly say for the first time I was in a good place with no prayers needing requesting...that being said I now am realizing I do and was too stubborn to admit it. So I am on here.  My prayer request is that I don't allow myself to lose it in June it being the month a year ago the most important person in my entire died. I still miss Papa and in all honesty I purposefully try not to go see granny since because of this she emotionally died too. I miss my grandparents. I miss the way the were excited everytime I visited them. Sure old people don't deserve to stay alive after 75 mostly cuz friends and family die off by then, and who wants to see that? Not to mention I know Papa especially was eager to go and I wouldn't want to stop him not like I could McNeelys are a super stubborn clan.  Still even now thinking about it is starting to sadden me now. I have accomplished Sooo much and I just want to run and tell both of them " guess what I'm doing!?!" sure I have friends and the rest of my family to talk to...but it's just not the same. 

So basically pray that God allows me to carry on.

~Lo out

My unfaithful blogging

Sorry blogspot I have been cheating on you with tumblr....tho in my defense if you would create an app for this for ipods...maybe I wouldnt have to ignore you....

But well since im on here anyway...april is flying by super fast which is crazy! So nothing but good new....I am officially going into culinary arts AND i got a job at a christian store...go figs...uh now to get my but in gear!! I knw God is there in the rough times...now to just remember He is there in the good times as well :)

~Lo Out

My quick second

I dunno why you do this to me God, but at least i can say beacause of it I certainly know without a doubt you are real.  You stress me out to NOOOOO end, You make me cry, You make me soo angry, You cause me to question myself over and over again!!!! You are sooo annoying!!.....and yet I love you and I can't help but to love you. The probably the most amazing thing You have taught me.  That love isnt some kissy face, hands glued together, romantic word vomit action...its more like being so hurt, irritated, angry, stressed to try and become that better verison of me...well at least thats how i view love.  My parents and the friends who care about me the most are the ones who drive me the most to the brink of insainity....because they know i dont need a love tap, i need a love shove.  although oh muh gosh i wish i didnt work like that. So point to this rambling well even tho im still jobless...at least im no longer behind on my student loan payments...in fact i dont owe anything till may *wipes sweat of forhead* But thats only one stress lightened....i still have to find a job that i love and will give me a purpose that also happens to be fulltime....or i find a job that gives me some purpose is partime and i go back to school for lord knows what...  So for a quick second i can breath......and she's off


~Lo out

My unknown path

I hate that I'm back to where I was a year ago. Scared of getting a new job, anxious about money, and now even more so scared that I'll be waiting even longer for my passion of being the worlds greatest wife/mom to happen.  I'm empty handed with no mental tools to get me where I need to go.  Ugh following God during times unknown are the scariest and toughest things true believing Christians have to face many times in their life.  I'm seriously doubting and worrying hardcore right now. I hate feeling helpless.  

~Lo out

My screwed up quote

This week for some reason has just been a hard one emotionally. Grief has decided to come knocking back on my door and hasnt left me alone. Sure I'll shoo it away for a time being and it will leave...but it just comes right back. Losing my job as a nanny to my nephew (which is official now) just makes it worse. My nephew brings me so much joy and knowing that as little as i got paid it was enough to keep my parents at ease with "my finances".  Now i have to go back to this stupid job hunting which is stressfull as it is unless God gives both my older sister and i a break and presents us with jobs again....speaking of which i put in an application at a place i worked like 1 year ago...odds of getting that job....well its seriously would be God if I got it again because sadly i left on one of the worsts notes ever...

I'm just super scared right now. Sure I have hope that God has plans for me...that doesnt make it less scary and stressfull. To understand that the only thing ahead of me is unknown is one of those mixed feeling kinda things. Right now I'm terrified because I feel helpless and i wish i knew what was ahead of me so i would have some comfort. Its ironic that this week's discipline is fellowship....because even though i have always craved being around people...i now crave nothing more then to stay away from everyone.  Im such a mess its not even funny. I dont honestly see how my presence could benifit anothers.  Who knew the one discipline that should be the easiest would turn out to be the most challenging. I just wish i could figure out what to do/ say when someone is trying to cheer me up because being alone isnt really that helpfull.

"In the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too." ~JD [scrubs] "My Screw Up"


~Lo out

My favorite holiday[in march]

Happy St. Patricks Day

My background check

I had a pretty fun day today. Although i have to say...its weird that i had more fun with just myself then being with my old church friends....mostly because even after all this time i still have no clue how to involve myself in coversations. Its so frustrating feeling like im invisible. then at the same time im seeing it as a humble thing as well. soo many times i did stupid stuff or i said stupid things just to get noticed and i would only be temporarily deserted by my friends. learning the life  lesson of holding my tounge has been a long and painfully irritating task...but im glad i have it down...to regain people's trust feels so good and worth it! thinking back about how long it took to have my friends be pleased with me....is a helpful reminder that its ok to sit in the background and wait to be called upon.....because eventually...








they will :)



~Lo out