My complaint

i despise fasting....said it! sure i only have like an hour and half left to go...but im cranky, hungry and wanna throw up at the same time....yeah that doesnt make sense....and i except for the fact that this has only proven that my self-control skills are amazingly strong :)  I'm sure i shouldnt be whining about how hungry only because i havent eatin since 12am while others are still hungry around me....is this me feeling insensitive of me to be this way? soooo ready for this to be over!.....im sure for many this is a helpful discipline but eh i see this one causing more problems than solutions...

btws whoever out there has a 13yr old sibling i feel for ya.....why in the world my lil sister feels so strongly about keeping her door open i have no idea...because when i was her age having a shut door was a dream!

im hearing things...my parents didnt call me i swear they did....

please day hurry up and come to a close!

~Lo out

My hungry spirit

It's not even 9am and I'm starving! only what 10 more hours to go??? I have never been a fan of fasting but I figured it wouldnt hurt to be a team player along with the rest of my fellow girls biblestudy clan...at least it's only from sun up to sun down....sad but even tho I suppose I may be slightly more dramatic about this (what I love food!) but I forget that people even here in Richmond struggle for simple meals :/ probably something to keep in perspective...maybe instead of a selfish prayer of "God let me forget about this feeling of hunger" to a "God help to remember people struggle with putting up with hunger"

~Lo out

My favorite river

Written 2/27/11 Sunday morning in my bed..



Just woke up and I feel so good!  2 days sleeping in...um yes! Last night was interesting....attempted to watch oh "brother where art thou"...and well it was boring. Thank goodness for 24 tho!  I ended up getting to go again to Hollywood cemetery yesterday and I'm hoping to go today because I feel slightly more spiritually fed everytime I go. Also got to go to belle isle yesterday with an old friend which was a gorgeous day to go and take pics....but not in a I'm a wannabe photographer but more of a I need a new wallpaper for my phone :)  (btw no one should feel offended by this if they honestly feel they are a legit photographer...just sayin) it was also kinda cool to see "my spot" from belle isle which is what "my spot" overlooks...the only irritating thing bout belle isle is the aroma of weed drifting about in the air...prolly could have gone without that...I have nooo clue why anyone would smoke something that smells like rotten crap???

Tonight should be interesting me and one of the L's are going to a worship event downtown and the to quote them "who knows afterwards" which I'm totally game for a little planned spotenaity(sp).


Note to self...work on spelling...possibly grammar but they didn't make a dictionary for that....so I'll focus on spelling since they day!  

~Lo out

My hair loss day

its been one of those days that if i havent gone bald from all the hair pulling....then its simply just a miracle.  lots of "eli nooooo dont touch that", "eli please give that back." or "OWWWW OW OW OW!" oh then there was "family chores" right after which involved the lil sibs complaining about one another in how they arent doing something right...and going outside to clean up the "dirty" backyard.....trying to make sense of situations discussed to me...and a mountain of dishes*exhale* this has been the worlds longest day and the hour nap i managed to squeeze in, though was breif..at least gave me the energy to continue to the other tasks awaiting me and to make some coffee for myself....i love my kuerig :)

BUT the good news is i have warm clean clothes tossing around in the dryer, an open bathroom for a nice hot shower, strong internet connect for pandora, and eighteen22 awaiting me in a few short hours :) oh and the prospect of a fun weds night bible study, 3 L's in one building, an amazing super clean warm fresh softer than a cloud bed, DAY OFF THURSDAY and sleeping in during the weekend and having noooo clue what is going to happen....although i do feel my new "favorite place" will be fitted in there somewhere :) oh amd i get paid on friday! 




Thus making days like today.......not soooooooooo bad :)


~Lo out

My hollywood snapshots

2/20/11

My frustration

went to Hollywood cemetery today for a little spiritual reflection time.  in a lot of ways it help to gain an understanding  of why God is/isn't allowing things to occur in my life, but also simply reminding me that the only time I'm a decent communicator...is when I'm not around anyone.  I haven't really ever had much confidence growing up when it comes to social skills....and I'm seeing that I still struggle...couldn't even come up with anything to say let alone what my favorite thing to do is...sadly I still don't know what I really enjoy doing....

see I don't understand how my heart breaks from the fact mr. Right hasnt graced me with his presence....when I'm so insecure when it comes to socializing...it would be easier if I actually had something of interest to talk about...but the only thing that is on my list of topics is my nephew...that's seriously unless the topic is about me and how I wish things were different in my life......I can't say the solution is "to get out more" cuz I'm still by myself....but then when I'm with ppl....how do I have a good time if I suck at talking??? 

Uh seriously enough with the low self-esteem!!!  


Yeah....still feeling bummed...


~Lo out

My picky view on precious metals

silence may be golden....but ive never been a fan of gold.....

its been A day having no music in the car......soo not diggin this week long experiment....

uh and solitude....why is it easier to practice when you chose NOT to be around ppl as opposed to forced solitude cuz of lack of funds or busy weeks...

on a positive note...kinda excited to be able to help with cbc youth dnow weekend :)

ok gonna try and find a hobby.....blogging doesnt count....

~Lo out

My little desire

This chick is amazing! is it silly to say that i kinda want to grow up and be like her?

my new location

i have begun to take a liking in the new location the computer is now placed....watching the sunset is such a pleasent sight :)

So today uh soo loved it. woke up at 12pm for the first time in....well....awhile?? then since the weather was lovely i decided to workout again...along with trying the "solitude" challange. That was rather difficult but at the same time found that if i tried hard enough i could quiet my own thoughts. aftwards i watched a few episodes of last season "parenthood" (love that show) and then went out for a quiet drive and return some old things....btws walmart&kohls have the most forgiving return policies...but kohls employees are sooo much nicer personality wise!

and now im here...sitting in front of this bright screen watching the colors change from day to night while enjoying my "OC station" on pandora...yeah ima fan :P  which also kinda stoked cuz after girls biblestudy tonight me and my new/old friends are going to watch the second season of!.....oh yeah biblestudy.....im suppose to be practicing the discipline of "study" which in fairness i started last night but all the scriptures that jumped out at me where about God restoring a weary soul....i thought i was over all this?  i guess not completely... well im gonna go try the study thing again...ill let you know what i came up with!

~Lo out

My retreat from retreat

Change is always a tough thing to accept, BUT what if the focus was on why God allowed that change to happen instead of dwelling or getting over ones head in it????

In my case realizing God didn't "screw" me over taking Papa away from me....He was not only finally allow him to enter the much deserved pearly gates of heaven...but God also took my training wheels off of my love bike...God knew I was capable of turning to Him to get love....He had to sadly take away what I thought was the only source if love I thought I had.  Sure I expected to get a lil something out of retreat but not a huge life changing realization! one thing said that stuck out to me is that we do need to spiritually grow up! We have to challenge ourselves and that was something I always struggle with! Uh soooo many light bulb moments!!

Anyway gosh I'm starving! Oh I fixed the language issue :) yeah I also learned to encourage myself like to  participate in social activities with strangers...BTdubs I got to check off "be in the center of a giant dance circle" on the mental bucket list....I should put it on paper........well this weekend even though I'm not getting chances to sleep in... I am stepping out of my comfort zone and meeting some pretty cool people on my OWN!! Lol uh soo crazy for me! Lol yeah for getting closer to the "land of OZ" or do want to be going to Kansas???  

*whistles* come on Toto!


~Lo out

My backseat note

MGMT's song "Kids" is today's perfect track on a sunset drive to NC. I dont have any expectations for this weekend except that I will have to step out of my comfort zone and  get involved with all activities..... This is stupid......my itouch is in spainish....geh


Till next time (when unspanished)

~Lo out

My distraction

solitude and silence....thats what we are discussing in biblestudy next week.....im finding this discipline rather difficult..if i actually find quiet in my house to try and practice this....then the idea of praying and reading sounds boring and i end up working on defeating the 7th castle on "Zelda Link's Awakening"....its a classic.  uh thats probably kinda sad.....uh im soooo tired...spiritually i have been sucking even worse...i guess its because im doubting how my future is looking....i know other people struggle a lack of spiritual quiet time....but how does one get back into it....i knw i will...for starters stop speaking my mind to this blog....

~Lo out

My loss

I miss him. I try so hard to move on with my life, trying to fill the void he placed when he left. "Jesus can fill that void"......I hate hearing that.....I'm a believer I KNOW!!!!!!!!! but have you ever stop to think that maybe God was broken? Watching his only son die? The only difference is God got his son back....I don't get to have Papa back here with me. I was his favorite and he made sure everyone knew! He spoiled me with gifts and fun things to do. Sure he was disappointed in the mistakes I made which actually cost thousands of dollars....but he fixed it and reminded me not to worry. His hugs were amazing. His "you don't need a boyfriend you got your papa" speeches reminding me never to settle, and my favorite quote from him that breaks my heart the most








"you live down here and I live up here, this ways rocky and this way is muddy.....but you wanna come see me so *as he flicks my nose* so you go allllll they way up here!"



I'm tired of trying to find something to replace this....

~ Lo out