it's 9:39pm on satuday Jan. 16 2010 and i feel like a loser. I had a great job at william's bakery pretty much doing nothing and lost it because i couldnt work and go to beauty school full time. Well guess what!?! I'm not in school anymore because I couldnt mentally and emotionally handle it. My goal of getting out of the house, and finally finding a guy is yet just another stupid daydream. Ya know xanax can only help me avoid a panic attack, it doesnt actually fix the problem! I dont understand why out of everyone I have only digressed since senior year. The only real progress Is that suicide, smoking, underage drinking, self inflicted injury and speeding is a no-no. I guess it doesnt help that I'm still haunted by the past abuse from my older sister and my peers bullying me from grade 4th-8th, and the fact that I just never really decided to take my life descions out my parents hands and into mine.
So really as much as I would like to continue playing the "victim card" which expired with my true friends in 2003 and really start [wo]manning up to my own life and figuring out how to work with what I got (which isn't much).
Thus where the blog comes in. I don't know if it will be read but if it does awsome! If not well at least I have a record of my progression in life.
So today right now I am bummed because I have no one to hangout with and nothing to look forward to this week. I really hope that changes. If it does you will know!
~Lo out
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