djfhas;ihWFHw'fohrefo!!!! why can't I feel this naturally high when God clearly tells me I'm beautiful!
easy, because I never really consider what He thinks about me, because I'm too focused on what others tell me. I'm not saying I'm ugly....no way! im soooo much more attractive than I was growing up as a kid! Just i dont like who i am on the inside. But that being said who doesnt get excited when someone tells someone else they are beautiful/handsome, etc.
Its how we handle it when we are told theses things.
~some will give every part of them just to be told they are beautiful or sexy...*rolls eyes*
~Theres people who could care less...
~people who appreciate the words but are too picky/self-absorbed/selfish to be into that person
I consider myself the 3rd catagory.....im actually really ashamed to admit this. I mean I remember begging/crying/ screaming obscenities to God demanding why i have not been giving the chance to be with a guy....that was in november....
Well if you have read in my previous post...december was i guess the turning point for me when I selfishly kissed a guy just to say i have and i still am ashamed of myself because it only made myself not like myself even more! :/
I really do appreciate people who give me compliments about my outer apperance....but i feel like that's not good enough for me....and thats also why i have decided to just not date just because im bored...thats not fair to the guys if i have no intention of being married to them.
I'm not ready to be a wife/mother....and i would like to very much be that one day.....
so untill i can 100% say i love who i am on the oustide AND the inside....im just gonna chill and enjoy spending time with the people who will encourage me and make me laugh.....and push me to become a better person :)
~Lo out
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