My not what i was expecting wake up call

getting a phone call from granny saying papa isnt right is not what i ment by a wake up call! My parents fear he had/could have a stroke...i went over to their place today and i though he seemed off as well...i said i went to worship today what i didnt mention is that it was mainly about a pastor who died who was i think in his sixties....my papa is almost 92 yrs old....and this isnt the first strok he has had. he has been going in and out of the hospital a lot over the last few months and today at dinner, my dad was mentioning how he probably wont have long till he passes away...i mean its selfish to say i dont want him to go because he is really old and all of his friends he grew up with have passed on....he's ready.   I'm not.  Yeah i mean my grandparents drive me nuts...but so does the rest of my family...the only difference is that they thankfully have no idea what happend to me growing up as a kid and so when im around them i only think about the postive childhood memories of going to visit them and getting completely spoiled rotten! and the best part was papa was my bodygaurd/crying shoulder whenever i my older sister was around.


Even if he does recover from this....thats one less tick his heart has to keep going...lets face it being that old and all the problems he has been having he is going to die soon and i better start accepting it.  I'm blessed to have him know i graduated highschool and he is blessed to have gotten to hold his great grandson...i mean how many grandparents get the chance to do that!  It's comforting to know God has something to do with his life being so long because when i was born he was 70....and like i said as a kid he was my bodygaurd/comforter/joker everything....i dont want him to suffer anymore...i just well im selfish and im afraid of what its going to be like without him.....

oh goody....more hurdles to jump over...


i cant handle this right now! i mean its bad enough that im struggling to find peace in general, and im missing one of my amazing friends, and dealing with a dumb attraction...and work....i just want God to come down and hold me soo tight and never let go of me untill every ounce of negativity is squeezed out of me.


so if you are into prayer...i know my dad (this is his dad) will have a tough time and well the rest of my family but....also....i selfishly ask if you could pray  for me to be able to gain strength to pull myself together and keep moving forward.  my papa deserves to go to heaven especially after the life he has lived.



~Lo out