My next night

last night was incredible and totally needed...but now reality is here and relief is distant again. fear has once again crept itself within my mind.  

I can't stop thinking about the lack of future awaiting me. give me hope in a better life. I wonder if I will ever make it out of my parents house...I wonder if I will succeed in school let alone what i would even go for! Soo many ppl are wanting me to get back into culinary arts...but im scared.  The pressure of perfection is so insane no amount of Xanax in this world I feel would allow me to keep my cool.  Though i do have to say I am great at cooking. The ability is there and a lot of ppl have told me my food is great....but what about my life? What about family?.....what about family???? I don't have a spouse or kids to think about just me...sure like i said there is anxiety...but maybe I was being a smidge over dramatic.  Ugh idk why I'm so on the fence with this! 

Well at least typing this post while at a show is relaxing. Leaning against a wall listening to decent loud live music while one of my guy friends randomly  breaks out a perfectly placed scream full of heart??....and now a random dude just asked a chick to be his girlfriend???? Oook? It's weird typing a post somewhere other than my house...life happens.   

Though I have thoroughly enjoyed my reorganizing room time today! Uh so excited about actually displaying my works on my walls!  No offense to the cullens but it's time for change! Sure i hate the fact my future is unknown BUT the emotions I was able to unleash on canvas from past various emotionally charged days i smile at because I made it through those times....and I have proof. I should really get back to unleashing my creative juices again...who knows what i will capture!?

~Lo out