I'm trying so hard to climb out of this hole I have set for myself; however, I never thought this process would hurt so much. I'm going out and putting in job applications even though the whole job aspect of life scares me. I am allowing myself to risk the danger of getting hurt by loving others....and well what do you know one of the most important people is making it near impossible to continue showing her compassion when she constantly makes me feel less than everyone else. My parents have no problem telling me I need to get a job, though seem to care-less that I'm listening to them or even contradict themselves by saying "you have done enough today you dont have to go out and look for one." And then theres the issue of being complete terrified of my lonely future....
So basically I'm feeling scared, confused, let down, and frustrated. I praise God for people like Hannah, Landon, and my Counselour for being by my side....except for my counselour who I pay to see...I'm afraid to tell the other two that I'm still hurting.
It's hard for me to move on after a breakdown...without some sort of "extra help" and by that I mean in a sinful form. But no worries I'm not turning back to my old ways just so I can stop crying...no thats what my problem is now...since I dont have those "things" in my life...I have nooo clue how to stop being well...brokendown.
Dont get my wrong I'm not at the depressed leval...I'm still going out there and putting in applications to places, I still will continue to struggle but no less continue to have compassion for "them", and well as far as my parents go...I don't really know but as long as they are happy...thats good.
but i want to be happy
~Lo out
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